...to the Universe, to my intuition, to whatever has been trying to tell me something.

Why have I been doubting myself?  I suppose I already know the answer to that.  I have listened to my gut in the past, and somehow, I still end up getting hurt.  Pain has been a big deterrent for me, but I'm learning, again, that just because it sucks, it isn't necessarily wrong. 

Yep, sometimes the right thing sucks.

So I have been spending the last few months in turmoil.  Trying to heal a long-distance relationship, while attempting to jump-start the life I want to live.  I considered moving to where he is, putting off my favored training and ultimate career-choice.  I knew that staying here was the best for me, professionally, but I also know that I would like to be able to hold a stable, loving relationship.  What was I to do?

And then I got my answer.  All in the same week, I have been handed a nice promotion and dumped by the long-distance love.  I suppose I knew all along that I needed to stay, but I have left people and places in the past, and later spent too much time questioning those decisions. 

Maybe it's time to let those old regrets go.  Let myself heal, and start trusting ME again.

And next time, I won't have to wait for the Universe to wake me up with a slap in the face. 

 It's not as easy as it sounds...  Or is it?  Do I need to get all my ducks in a row, or can I just jump in, head first?  My ducks are disheveled. 

So I have found this place, this "zaadz".  What is going on here?  Could it be other people like me?  People who actually have a similar vision?  Making the world a better place, how cliche.  Maybe even fellow vegans out there, with advice, support.  People that I don't have to defend myself to!  What a concept.

So my feet are in the water.  I am working, saving money for my yoga teacher training.  Saving money for my doula certification course.  saving money saving money saving money.  Holy crap, changing the world sure seems to cost a lot of money! 

But I'll get there.  I'll be able to teach people what I love.  I will help bring babies into this world in a peaceful, loving, and supported environment.  I will show people the healing power of touch through massage. 

Who knows?  Maybe my ducks will never be in a row.  But for now I'll gather my rubber duckies & water wings, and practice diving in.